The Childhood Trauma of Wearing Masks at Schools

I was asked to officiate AYSO soccer games. One game specifically taught me a valuable lesson.

The teams were mismatched. The kids on the better team had better skills and were more athletic. The parents of the better team were very competitive and the parents on the other team were supportive and wanted their kids to have fun.

The game started and the better team, not surprisingly, took an early lead that they held into the half. After the half, they scored another goal, and, frankly, I thought it was going to be a blowout.

But then an interesting happened.

It had happened a little bit the first half but took full hold the second half. When two kids collided or bumped into each other, the competitive parents would yell for a foul when there wasn’t one. It is what happens in soccer when two kids are going after the ball. Mind you the kid on the competitive team was often bigger or faster than the other kid but it did not matter because the competitive kids would stop and listen to their parents complain. This took their heads out of the game and they started focusing the “the call that wasn’t” or “what could have been” or how unfair it was.

And it happened over and over again. They thought an offside was not called when it was clearly not offsides and it was clear that they did not know what the rules were. But it pulled their kid’s head out of the game.

While this was happening, the parents on the other side were just supporting and encouraging their kids. If one of their kids tripped or got knocked down, they would tell him to get back up and go and he did. If something did not go their way, there was more encouragement. If they made a mistake, they would tell them “It is ok. Keep going!”.

The parents on the other team were also yelling to their kids but they were critical. If their kid did not pass to someone who was open, they would tell that they should have passed to someone else. They were also always telling them where they should be on the field. There were 20 coaches. All yelling at their kid and sometimes the officials.

And all this took its toll.

In the second half, the less competitive team was still playing and having fun. The ball took a weird bounce? They kept running. If they fell? They bounded back up and kept going.

The other team? The kids spent more and more time with their heads down or looking at their parents. The parents, getting more frustrated because the other team had caught up and tied, keep yelling, and became more critical of their kids and the officials.

I do not remember what the score was. The less competitive team either won or tied but it did not matter. They were happy and were going to be happy regardless. Some players on the competitive team went on full meltdown. The goalie would not come out of the goal. It was a mess.

And the interesting thing is that the parents on both teams created the outcomes they got.

I am sure that the parents of the competitive team did not see their role in what happened. They were so wrapped up in their world but I could see it. It was so unfortunate and avoidable.

And I tell this story because I see the same things when I hear comments from parents about the possibility of sending their kids to school with face masks.

Kids are remarkably adaptable.

They can roll with the flow.

They really don’t know how unusual this time is.

But if they hear their parents complaining about wearing a mask….

If they hear their parents expressing “great concern” about their kids being asked to wear masks or even saying that their kids won’t be able to, then their kids will absolutely have problems when asked to wear masks all day….

If they hear parents saying that masks don’t help, or that masks make people sick or that masks are a “liberal” thing or whatever…

They are setting their kids up for confusion and problems when they go to school and are asked to wear one.

If parents just act like kids need to wear masks to school in 2021 because it is what everyone needs to do — like it is normal and not a huge deal — the kids will act like it is normal too. Sure they are kids and there will be issues that teachers need to deal with as far as keeping them on but the teachers can deal with it more easily if parents do their part.

If parents are acting put out and if parents are acting being asked to wear a mask (either on themselves or the kids) is a crisis, then their kids are similarly going to be uptight about it.

But if parents act like wearing one is like putting on and wearing shoes or a shirt or a coat, kids will get with it — quickly and more easily.

What is am saying is that parents, YOU are going to traumatize your kids when it comes to wearing masks at school if you keep acting like this is a big deal and if they are traumatized, it is on YOU.

They are listening.

They are watching.

It is a dang mask. There are going to be other adjustments that they will find when they go to school.

But to be clear. The ability of your child to react to the change is going to depend on YOU — your attitude, your comments, and your approach.

They can do this.

The only question is “Can you?”.